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Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Circle of Life

On Sunday, March 25, 2012, Brian's sister and her husband welcomed their 3rd child into the world! Mike is a beautiful, healthy baby boy. He was 7 pounds, 3 ounces and 19.5 inches long. We are so excited to have another super little one around!! He's so adorable!!

On Friday, March 30, 2012, Brian's Gradad (his grandpa) passed away at 9:39 am of cancer. He lived a long, full life, spent serving his country in World War II and creating a wonderful family with his wife.

The kids left for school on the bus at about 7:30 that  morning, and Brian and I were trying to become fully awake when we get a phone call from Nana saying that Grandad is in the hospital and he isn't expected to make it the rest of the day. We stay at home long enough to wake up a little more, shower, run by the library, and get the kids from school before we drive down to Moore to say goodbye to Grandad. We explain to the kids on the way what is going on, and because they are so young, they don't really understand all of it. We are about halfway to Moore when we get another phone call on my cell saying that Grandad had passed away. Because Brian was driving, I answer the phone, and was told to tell him the news. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to say to him. We had expected this for a while, but it still hurts.
Throughout the course of the day, we had family who had to go back to work that afternoon, and the kids were really bored, so we sent them back home with Aunt K. Most of the extended family leaves, but say that they will be back later that night. We have to meet at the funeral home to finalize arrangements at 2:30, and while we are killing time waiting on that to happen, conversation turns to some OK government official, mayor, I think. It gets brought up that his son shot himself and it becomes a focal point of the conversation. Brian looks over at me and asks me, "Are you okay, sweetie?" By him asking that, immediately, I'm not okay. I would have been a little upset but able to hide it if he hadn't asked me. So, I start crying and I'm hurting. It then has to be explained to everyone else in the room why I'm so upset at a general conversation about a man's suicide. Everybody apologized a lot, and I told them that I was okay, and that its just one of those things that is going to happen from time to time. I would rather this conversation happen with family than with strangers who don't care if they upset me. The rest of the day, however, I don't stop thinking about Chris. I can't help it. Grandad's funeral on Monday will be the first funeral that I've been to since Chris' in 2011.
At 2:30, when we go to the funeral home, we walk in the door of the lobby and immediately, I'm back in that place, mentally, where I was when I helped with Chris' arrangements. Almost everybody goes back into the back office when it's time, and they invite me to come with them. I decide to stay in the lobby. I don't want to go back in there. Part of it was out of respect. They all knew Grandad way more than I ever did, but part of it was selfish reasons. I didn't want to be put in the same position of helping make different decisions about something I was not ready to make.

Yesterday was such a long day. This whole week has been really long. Brian has gone to OKC every day this week, and he is exhausted. Then he losses his grandfather. Thankfully, he got yesterday off of work to spend time with the family.

I'm sad. We will need one less boutonniere at our wedding, and one more little silver candle of remembrance. We will cherish the memories that we had of our lost loved ones. We will always remember the love that was shared between us. We will continue to welcome new life into our family.

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