Search This Blog

Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Circle of Life

On Sunday, March 25, 2012, Brian's sister and her husband welcomed their 3rd child into the world! Mike is a beautiful, healthy baby boy. He was 7 pounds, 3 ounces and 19.5 inches long. We are so excited to have another super little one around!! He's so adorable!!

On Friday, March 30, 2012, Brian's Gradad (his grandpa) passed away at 9:39 am of cancer. He lived a long, full life, spent serving his country in World War II and creating a wonderful family with his wife.

The kids left for school on the bus at about 7:30 that  morning, and Brian and I were trying to become fully awake when we get a phone call from Nana saying that Grandad is in the hospital and he isn't expected to make it the rest of the day. We stay at home long enough to wake up a little more, shower, run by the library, and get the kids from school before we drive down to Moore to say goodbye to Grandad. We explain to the kids on the way what is going on, and because they are so young, they don't really understand all of it. We are about halfway to Moore when we get another phone call on my cell saying that Grandad had passed away. Because Brian was driving, I answer the phone, and was told to tell him the news. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to say to him. We had expected this for a while, but it still hurts.
Throughout the course of the day, we had family who had to go back to work that afternoon, and the kids were really bored, so we sent them back home with Aunt K. Most of the extended family leaves, but say that they will be back later that night. We have to meet at the funeral home to finalize arrangements at 2:30, and while we are killing time waiting on that to happen, conversation turns to some OK government official, mayor, I think. It gets brought up that his son shot himself and it becomes a focal point of the conversation. Brian looks over at me and asks me, "Are you okay, sweetie?" By him asking that, immediately, I'm not okay. I would have been a little upset but able to hide it if he hadn't asked me. So, I start crying and I'm hurting. It then has to be explained to everyone else in the room why I'm so upset at a general conversation about a man's suicide. Everybody apologized a lot, and I told them that I was okay, and that its just one of those things that is going to happen from time to time. I would rather this conversation happen with family than with strangers who don't care if they upset me. The rest of the day, however, I don't stop thinking about Chris. I can't help it. Grandad's funeral on Monday will be the first funeral that I've been to since Chris' in 2011.
At 2:30, when we go to the funeral home, we walk in the door of the lobby and immediately, I'm back in that place, mentally, where I was when I helped with Chris' arrangements. Almost everybody goes back into the back office when it's time, and they invite me to come with them. I decide to stay in the lobby. I don't want to go back in there. Part of it was out of respect. They all knew Grandad way more than I ever did, but part of it was selfish reasons. I didn't want to be put in the same position of helping make different decisions about something I was not ready to make.

Yesterday was such a long day. This whole week has been really long. Brian has gone to OKC every day this week, and he is exhausted. Then he losses his grandfather. Thankfully, he got yesterday off of work to spend time with the family.

I'm sad. We will need one less boutonniere at our wedding, and one more little silver candle of remembrance. We will cherish the memories that we had of our lost loved ones. We will always remember the love that was shared between us. We will continue to welcome new life into our family.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

decorations!!

Mom emailed me a picture tonight of one of the wedding aisle decoration bouquets! I was so excited that I had to post a picture on Facebook, and on here as well! Plus, this way I can pin it to Pinterest and hopefully other brides can use it (or a variation of it) for their wedding! So yes, please pin to Pinterest, if you feel inclined to do so!

  



The only thing that this is missing is the ribbon to tie it to the chair!!! Thanks, mom!!! 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

dresses, flowers, and kids! OH MY!

So much has happened recently!

We found my wedding dress!!!! After trying on 3 other dresses, I slipped this one on and instantly loved it! I knew before I walked out to show my "entourage" that this was definitely in the top 2. When I went to try on dresses, I didn't go in expecting to find my dress. I had found 3 dresses online at David's Bridal and had printed off their pictures; I texted several women who are important to me and told them if they wanted to come to the appointment, they were more than welcome to. That day, I took my mom, my future mother-in-law, my future sister-in-law, my Aunt Jenny, and her daughter Haley dress shopping with me. I'm so glad that they were all able to make it and share in this special once in a lifetime experience! I went in expecting to try on one style. When the bridal consultant saw what I was looking for, she let me try on what I came to try on, and then she said, "If it is okay with you, I am going to pull another dress or two that you might like better, even if they are out of your comfort zone." Since I had the pressure of my mother just beyond the fitting room door, I said okay. She brought this one back in, along with a lace gown. I LOVED this one. It fit so beautifully. It is the only dress that I've ever worn that I want to put back on and wear more than once. I NEVER wear dresses, and I certainly never get the urge to put one on just because. For some reason though, with this one, I want to wear it just because I feel so beautiful in it!
My dress! 


 The same day we went and found my wedding dress, my mom and I had spent that morning in Hobby Lobby picking out what flowers I wanted for the ceremony. I had some idea that it was going to be difficult to decide this part, but I didn't think it was going to be SO hard. At one point, I cried, but in the end, we put together something that I am very happy with!
Center aisle arrangement
 Mom is gracious enough to make yellow calla lily boutonnieres for all the men. We picked out 2 large purple roses for both my MoH and my bridesmaid to carry. We got the basket for my flower girl, we still have to get the petals for her. The only thing we have left is to get my bouquet, women's corsages (which I have entrusted to my mom to make), and the reception decorations.

For those family members who can't attend our wedding because they are no longer with us, but have become our angels, we are setting up a memorial table and a memorial candle in their honor. Mom thought that it was going to be depressing, but Brian and I want it, so we will have it! 


In other, non-wedding related news, I have started kind of doing yoga. I actually just got my yoga mat in yesterday, and I'm really not very good at it yet. I love doing it though! I feel really good afterwards!

Brian's Grandad is getting worse. :( We found out recently that he has cancer. We didn't realize until yesterday that more than 75% of his lungs are covered in cancer cells. Brian's dad (the kids call him Grandy, so that is how I will refer to him here) is in denial about how bad it really is. The whole family is worried that we will have a funeral to attend within the next month or so. Please pray for Grandad, and Naw (his wife), and of course the rest of us. We don't know what is going to happen to Naw after Grandad leaves, but we all trust that God will provide. 

The kids went to Arkansas for Spring Break (I think I mentioned this earlier, sorry for the repetition), and they seemed to have a good time. I was a little worried that when they came back, they were going to compare me to Kim and then wouldn't like me. Or didn't want me and Brian to get married. Thankfully, nothing like that happened! On Sunday while Brian was at work, I let them watch The Wizard of Oz from 1939 with Judy Garland. Then, they grabbed showers and we played their favorite card games until bedtime. Aaron's favorite is Uno, and he really likes the one that we got for Christmas from my mom, it's the Mod version. Emily's favorite is Bandits, also a Christmas gift. :) We also really enjoy playing Left, Right, Center. I'm glad that they are back home now, though. The house was too quiet with Brian working nights.

Friday, March 16, 2012

I'm so blessed

When Brian and I started dating, I knew that our relationship had the possibility to turn into a lifetime. In youth group in middle school and high school, we covered a lesson a couple of times, and my youth pastor reiterated to not date someone unless you can see yourself marrying them. Dating is about finding out what qualities in another person that you like and desire for your future spouse, so his advice made some sense. It wasn't until I was actually starting to date how much more sense it made to me.

Brian had 2 kids when he and I started dating. I knew going into the relationship, that if this turned out to be a secure, long-term love affair, I would be "mom" to his kids. Based on what he had told me about his ex-wife (the mother of his kids), I was going to be more of a mother to them without even trying too hard.

When I met the kids, I loved them instantly. It wasn't long after I moved in that they started calling me "mom", and the second day that I was here (still just visiting), E asked me to never leave. She asked me to always live with them. I almost cried!

The first time Brian's ex called the house, she didn't even ask to talk to the kids. What kind of a mom calls her ex-husband's phone and doesn't ask to speak with her children?! I was appalled. This mother thing was already going well for me. There have been at least 4 calls where she has called and not spoken to the kids. Last fall, when we were going through all of the earthquakes here in OK, she didn't call to check on the kids, she didn't care if they were okay (to be fair, I'm quite certain that she cared, but she didn't show that she did). E would get really bad stomach aches at night, and Brian and I had decided that she was scared of the earthquakes. But what about when she got stomach aches in the few days leading up to the Christmas trip to their mom's?

She called again, to arrange the meeting place and time for tomorrow. We are taking the kids to meet their mom in Tulsa. She didn't ask to talk to them, and they are so excited to see her. If she only knew how awesome her kids are, she would want to know everything that they do. She doesn't ask about their grades, and she hasn't bothered to order very many school pictures. The only reason she ordered some this year was because we called and asked if she wanted to.

I am so lucky that I have these two little blessings in my life. They are very intelligent, very polite kids! I have no idea why "she" doesn't want to know about them.

Based on my experience with divorced parents and their interactions with each other, I thought that it was going to be a living nightmare dealing with Brian's ex. I was completely surprised by how little she interacts with the kids. She'll call about once every month and a half, and sees them about 3 times a year. She has always been civil with me when we have to talk on the phone, much like tonight. It's easier dealing with her than I ever thought possible, but part of it is because she doesn't engage the kids very often. I feel like if she did, she and I would have similar problems that my mom and step-mom had...

Recently, both A and E have been saying, "You're the best mommy!" to me. I tell A that he is the best son in the world, and I tell E that she is the best daughter in the world. When Brian and I have our own kids, I will have to change that to "A, you are the best oldest son in the world!" and "E, you are the best oldest daughter in the world!", much like my mom did with me and my younger sister. Being called the "best" mommy, when I'm not even their birth mom is so amazing!!! I love that feeling.

Brian was right, (in my opinion) I am a better mom than she is, and I don't have to try all that hard!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Yay!

Guess who finally has 2 followers?! lol but really, it's taken so long to get even one follower, but now I have a grand total of 2. My dad is not one of those two!! (hint, hint).

Today, I made the appointment to try on wedding dresses!!!!! It is next Thursday at 4, and I already have 3 dresses that I want to pick from. The only downside is that they are online only, so I can't try them on, until I order it. One of them is knit jersey, and I LOVE wearing jersey anything. The sheets on my bed are knit jersey. So much more comfortable!

Mom is coming to see me, too! She will be here next Wednesday night and go with me to the appointment on Thursday.

As soon as I can figure out how to register the picture from David's Bridal's website, I'll do it! It might be on the next post, but I will try to get them up here for you!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The best is yet to come!

Since I moved from Amarillo to Chandler, I have been super busy! After the last post, things really started picking up with my work and with the kids school. I worked part time at Bath & Body Works for the holiday season, and I LOVED it! I left on great terms this New Year, so I'm hoping that they will hire me back this holiday season! 
 
On December 18th, Brian took me to the Myriad Gardens in OKC and we had a day out! It was so much fun, made even sweeter by the wedding proposal at the end of it! I loved getting to call my Dad and telling him that I'm getting married to the perfect man for me! 

We are looking at buying a house this summer and moving in after the wedding, which will be on June 23!!! I'm still working on the wedding invitations to get them sent out, but hopefully after Brian gets home from work tonight, he will help me get another 30 done...

I have a couple of new blogs that I'm following (not that anybody is actually reading this, but if you do, you might be interested in them!) My Dad has a brand new blog about breakfast and life lessons. It is freaking hilarious so far. Hopefully, when I send him some of my breakfast stories, he will put them up as well! A friend of mine from high school has a blog up, that I just found out about today. She is traveling abroad from Texas and you can read about her adventures here. On the addictive website that is Pinterest, I found a number of great blogs, such as Chef In Training.

I have continued taking life one day at a time, and living for now. I am still attending the support group in OKC for survivor's of suicide (you might need to scroll down on the page for the info) on Monday nights when I can and they are such a huge blessing to have!

I think that's all for now, I'm going to try to get better at this, I promise!