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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Spawn of Satan

According to my birth mother (referred to here as, "Mother"), I am a legit spawn of Satan.
I may be blowing things a little out of perspective, but in all reality, she really does think that I'm a problem child, since I moved out of her house. Before I moved out of her house, I was her "good daughter".
People say that I've been through a lot of shit in my life, and sometimes, I can agree with them. But other times, I still think, my life hasn't really been all that bad, when kept in perspective.
There has been very few times that I've been so angry at someone that I was literally shaking. Tonight was one of those few times. My teeth were literally clicking because they were moving so quickly and hitting against each other. The last time that happened was when I was angry at Daddy the day after I graduated high school. I was mad at Mother; and I feel like I have a fair reason to be.

Brian and I hadn't dated for too long before I broke up with him. Then we were broken up for 2 months, give or take a week or two. Now, we are back together. Mother didn't like him the first time and she had reason to worry, but she won't even trust my judgment with anything since high school. Daddy was at least willing to give him a chance; and mom (my stepmom) was accepting of it. None of my parents support my relationship a whole lot, but the least judgmental person is mom. Mother can rip me to shreds over it; similar to how she did tonight.

But what if I had told her that I love him. I do love him, by the way. I just haven't told her that. I haven't told Daddy that either. Mom knows. Brian knows. We have talked a little bit about a life if we get married. How many kids we want, where we would live, how we would make ends meet every month.

Mother doesn't want me to turn out like she did: pregnant out of wedlock, married to a man she didn't really love, divorced, single mom raising 2 daughters by the age of 35. To be honest, I don't want to be like her either; but that doesn't give her the right to completely turn her trust around on me.

Life is full of mistakes. I wish she would let me learn from hers, avoid some, and make my own.
I'm just trying to live my life.

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