I'm so blessed

When Brian and I started dating, I knew that our relationship had the possibility to turn into a lifetime. In youth group in middle school and high school, we covered a lesson a couple of times, and my youth pastor reiterated to not date someone unless you can see yourself marrying them. Dating is about finding out what qualities in another person that you like and desire for your future spouse, so his advice made some sense. It wasn't until I was actually starting to date how much more sense it made to me.

Brian had 2 kids when he and I started dating. I knew going into the relationship, that if this turned out to be a secure, long-term love affair, I would be "mom" to his kids. Based on what he had told me about his ex-wife (the mother of his kids), I was going to be more of a mother to them without even trying too hard.

When I met the kids, I loved them instantly. It wasn't long after I moved in that they started calling me "mom", and the second day that I was here (still just visiting), E asked me to never leave. She asked me to always live with them. I almost cried!

The first time Brian's ex called the house, she didn't even ask to talk to the kids. What kind of a mom calls her ex-husband's phone and doesn't ask to speak with her children?! I was appalled. This mother thing was already going well for me. There have been at least 4 calls where she has called and not spoken to the kids. Last fall, when we were going through all of the earthquakes here in OK, she didn't call to check on the kids, she didn't care if they were okay (to be fair, I'm quite certain that she cared, but she didn't show that she did). E would get really bad stomach aches at night, and Brian and I had decided that she was scared of the earthquakes. But what about when she got stomach aches in the few days leading up to the Christmas trip to their mom's?

She called again, to arrange the meeting place and time for tomorrow. We are taking the kids to meet their mom in Tulsa. She didn't ask to talk to them, and they are so excited to see her. If she only knew how awesome her kids are, she would want to know everything that they do. She doesn't ask about their grades, and she hasn't bothered to order very many school pictures. The only reason she ordered some this year was because we called and asked if she wanted to.

I am so lucky that I have these two little blessings in my life. They are very intelligent, very polite kids! I have no idea why "she" doesn't want to know about them.

Based on my experience with divorced parents and their interactions with each other, I thought that it was going to be a living nightmare dealing with Brian's ex. I was completely surprised by how little she interacts with the kids. She'll call about once every month and a half, and sees them about 3 times a year. She has always been civil with me when we have to talk on the phone, much like tonight. It's easier dealing with her than I ever thought possible, but part of it is because she doesn't engage the kids very often. I feel like if she did, she and I would have similar problems that my mom and step-mom had...

Recently, both A and E have been saying, "You're the best mommy!" to me. I tell A that he is the best son in the world, and I tell E that she is the best daughter in the world. When Brian and I have our own kids, I will have to change that to "A, you are the best oldest son in the world!" and "E, you are the best oldest daughter in the world!", much like my mom did with me and my younger sister. Being called the "best" mommy, when I'm not even their birth mom is so amazing!!! I love that feeling.

Brian was right, (in my opinion) I am a better mom than she is, and I don't have to try all that hard!

Yay!

Guess who finally has 2 followers?! lol but really, it's taken so long to get even one follower, but now I have a grand total of 2. My dad is not one of those two!! (hint, hint).

Today, I made the appointment to try on wedding dresses!!!!! It is next Thursday at 4, and I already have 3 dresses that I want to pick from. The only downside is that they are online only, so I can't try them on, until I order it. One of them is knit jersey, and I LOVE wearing jersey anything. The sheets on my bed are knit jersey. So much more comfortable!

Mom is coming to see me, too! She will be here next Wednesday night and go with me to the appointment on Thursday.

As soon as I can figure out how to register the picture from David's Bridal's website, I'll do it! It might be on the next post, but I will try to get them up here for you!

The best is yet to come!

Since I moved from Amarillo to Chandler, I have been super busy! After the last post, things really started picking up with my work and with the kids school. I worked part time at Bath & Body Works for the holiday season, and I LOVED it! I left on great terms this New Year, so I'm hoping that they will hire me back this holiday season! 

 

On December 18th, Brian took me to the Myriad Gardens in OKC and we had a day out! It was so much fun, made even sweeter by the wedding proposal at the end of it! I loved getting to call my Dad and telling him that I'm getting married to the perfect man for me! 

We are looking at buying a house this summer and moving in after the wedding, which will be on June 23!!! I'm still working on the wedding invitations to get them sent out, but hopefully after Brian gets home from work tonight, he will help me get another 30 done...

I have a couple of new blogs that I'm following (not that anybody is actually reading this, but if you do, you might be interested in them!) My Dad has a brand new blog about breakfast and life lessons. It is freaking hilarious so far. Hopefully, when I send him some of my breakfast stories, he will put them up as well! A friend of mine from high school has a blog up, that I just found out about today. She is traveling abroad from Texas and you can read about her adventures here. On the addictive website that is Pinterest, I found a number of great blogs, such as Chef In Training.

I have continued taking life one day at a time, and living for now. I am still attending the support group in OKC for survivor's of suicide (you might need to scroll down on the page for the info) on Monday nights when I can and they are such a huge blessing to have!

I think that's all for now, I'm going to try to get better at this, I promise! 

Finally Home

I finally was able to move in with the love of my life and his wonderful kids!! I wouldn't trade it for the world, even if some days are difficult! :D

E has started girl scouts, they are both in school and things are going well for us.

I finally found a suicide support group that I am interested in joining and participating in. They meet on Mondays from 6:30 to 7:45 or something like that. I'm kind of excited about finally getting help!!

New changes just around the corner

July 11 was my last blog. A LOT has happened since then!! I put in my two weeks notice at work and finished that out this last Tuesday night. Mary gave me a hug when I left and I know that at least she will miss me!! Greg told me that if I ever wind up back in Amarillo, I have a job waiting for me there! I'm hoping that I won't need that offer, but its nice to know that it still stands if I need it.

Today is Grandpa's retirement party. Everybody is coming into WD for that tonight. Clay and I are already here, and Daddy, Shareen, and all of the kids are coming in later today. the last time we talked to Grandpa, he was still in Denver. He is riding his bike back here today.

On Monday, Shareen is taking me to Sayre, OK to meet Brian. Then Brian and I are driving back to Chandler so that I can finally meet his kiddos!!!! I'm super excited!!! I talked to them last night and they both told me that they are excited to meet me! A kept telling me that he has a countdown  to when I go out there and for when school starts. 2 days now for me, and 12 for school.

"Even if it costs you to die"

I'm sitting here, listening to my 9 year old cousin, E, playing with one of his other little 9 year old buddies. They are on XBox doing the mike/headset conversation thing, playing COD. E's buddy told E "even if it costs you to die, I want to get the game winning kill." Since when do 9 year olds play games where they feel comfortable asking someone to sacrifice their life just to get more points?! My 8 and 7 year old brothers play this game too, and I don't really think that it's okay.

Last night, I was up for a while. I called Brian and we had a very good conversation about me, even if it was uncomfortable for me in some spots. It was something that he and I had to discuss and he is concerned about me. I know that we will be okay; we will work through this together. It's so refreshing to know that I have found someone who loves me enough to work with me and to love me, even on my bad days. I have no idea what I did to deserve him, but I will never let him go.

Tonight, we have the first big group therapy session since Chris died. It has been almost 6 months since he took his life, and I am just now going to talk to someone about it. Brian asked me to tell the grief counselor tonight what has been going through my head lately. I need to talk about it.

I cried so much last night. And I still feel drained, emotionally and physically. I've said about 20 words all morning, and I've been awake for almost 2 hours. I'm glad that I don't have to focus on work today. All that I really need to do is to shower, finish my laundry, and do this meeting tonight.

Megamind and my two weeks' notice

After 4 and a half months at Michaels, I'm leaving. Brian and I are finally able to move in together and we have decided to make it happen before school starts for the kiddos, which means I'm leaving in the next 3 to 4 weeks,  maybe a little bit longer. I just typed out my two weeks' notice for work today and I am going to turn that in to my boss on Tuesday. Then, two weeks later, I will be taking the bus out to OKC to meet Brian's kids. I'll return to Amarillo for a few days to pack up my stuff, and then I'm outta here!!!!!!

More later....