4 more days

So, of course, not counting today (Monday) or the day of (Saturday), we have 4 days left until we get married! I am super excited! Things are coming along for the wedding, a little slower than I'd like, but they are coming along. I still have a list of things that I need to get done, like finding a cake server deal for the cake cutting thing. Oh, and the rest of the picture slideshow, and picking and finalizing the music. And finalizing the itinerary. No big deal. However, with the rest of this week, I'm going insane.

Tomorrow, we have to go get our marriage license, get house and car insurance (because both of them have officially expired), go back to the house to finish deep cleaning it (to start paint either tomorrow or Wednesday), and there might be something else, but I don't remember what it is.

Today, I decided to take the day off from work on the house and catch up on the apartment work that needs to be done, since we are still residing here. The dishes and laundry have sat neglected for about a week. We are officially out of clean utensils, and I am all out of clean underwear. My other goal is to get more of the picture slideshow done for the wedding.

Some advice to any future brides, when your fiancee says, "We have plenty of time, don't worry about it.", don't listen to him all the time. Especially when it comes to wedding music. I have to find a copy of the Father/Daughter song that my dad picked, and I don't know how to do that. Brian's at work, so he needs to do that as soon as he gets home...

Happy Mommy's Day

This weekend was so much fun! I loved getting to see my family again! The last time I saw most of them was back in July of last year for Grandpa's retirement party. On Friday, Aunt J and Uncle E came and met us in OKC to take out to the lake, which was extremely nice of them! I loved getting to go on that mini road trip with them and catching up without all of the chaos of the rest of the family. On Friday night, after the rest of the family got there, Aunt R, Aunt L, Grandma, and I took a walk around the camp and found the lake. We took some pictures on the beach and had some crazy ones, I'm sure!

Then on Saturday, we spent the day hiking, fishing, swimming, and just some general hanging out. Saturday night, we had a campfire and that was pretty fun! I was really proud of A for getting up and singing 2 songs a capella in front of people he had only known for 24 hours! He had a great time! And Ms. Em had a great time, too! She loved getting to play with my sisters and female cousins! All of the kids had a great time! Daddy made me cry during the campfire, but it was a good cry, so it wasn't all bad! On Sunday after a breakfast of omelets in a bag, we packed up the entire cabin and campsite and checked out to head home. Shareen brought me and the kids back to OKC to meet Brian again, and then we all came home and crashed. We were all in bed no later than 9:30 last night. Brian had been moved to days at work, and he didn't get very much sleep.

We also found out last week that we are able to move next month! Which means that starting on June 15, I will be spending most of my time ripping up carpet and painting walls until our wedding on the 23rd. Then, the kids will go to their mom's in Arkansas on the 24th, and we will move in as soon as we can! I might be more than a little crazy moving and getting married all in the same 2 weeks, but things just kind of fell into place that way! I am so excited about all of it!

Camping this weekend help me realize a few things. One of the major ones is that I can finally read a book. Now, I've known how to read since I was little, but the last time I talked to Chris, he suggested that I read "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck. He even tried to give me his copy of it. Well, it has now been over a year since he took his life and I am finally okay with reading this particular book. Thinking about reading the book and finishing it used to scare me. I used to think, "What is going to happen when I get done with the book? Will Chris no longer be a part of me?" Completely irrational thoughts, right? Well, that's what happens when you are grieving the suicide death of some one that you love. You don't always have completely sound thoughts. So, fast forward to where we are now. I have come to realize that just because he is gone and suggested this book doesn't mean that at the end of the book, the world will end. My life will keep going, I will keep healing, and I will get stronger. It has taken me over a year to realize this. Suicide grief is so hard to deal with. I never thought that anything I did would be this hard, both mentally and physically. I have never been in so much physical pain as I was in the first month after his death. The mental battle that I deal with every single day is so draining, and there are some days when I just have to tell Brian that I don't want to talk about something and I don't want to deal with anything, that he will have to do it. He is very good about offering me the support I need and taking care of the things that need done when I am out of commission, so to speak. I am a much stronger person now than I was back in September when I first started going to my SOS meetings. I love my group. We are a family, bound together by the common thread of suicide.

I am still pretty tired from the camp out, and my entire family has been in bed for an hour and a half. It is too quiet in the house and I'm fixing to crash, so I will say goodnight to you all now.

But before I go, I just want to say that it is an honor to write for you. I'm hoping and praying that as my page views increase that I touch the life of just one person. I only have 4 followers, as of last count, but you mean so much to me. It isn't easy, this life that I chose to lead, but it is worth every tear, every mental battle, every late night and early morning. I wouldn't trade in my family or close friends for anything, and I hope that they know that. If losing Chris so suddenly and tragically taught me one thing, it would be to not take for granted the people that you have in your life. The people that chose to stay, even when the going gets tough, are the ones that really show you that you are loved, and you are not alone, and you are worth it. If it weren't for Brian, my support group, my family, and a handful of friends, I would not be the same person that I am. I am so blessed by all that God has given me.

50 Days to Mrs!

I am so excited!! We are getting closer to our wedding date! June 23 could not get here fast enough for me! I had a conversation last night with my mom and my maid of honor about my bachelorette party, and now, everything is going to go more like what I wanted!

A few weeks ago, the kids and I had been invited to go on my family's annual Mother's Day camping trip to Quartz Mtn. State Park here in OK. I had originally told my family that we couldn't make it because we didn't have a car to get there. Brian would need it to get to work and back that weekend. Plus, we don't have much camping gear, so really, it wouldn't be very much like camping for us. Today, I was telling my stepmom the reasons why we wouldn't be able to make it, and she said, "Well, I will find you a ride. Start packing!" She and my dad have enough camping supplies for boy scouts, or as she put it "a refugee camp". So we are all set! When the kids got home, I told them that I wanted them to go try on their swimsuits. They asked why, and I said that we would go camping next weekend. They were so excited that they started jumping up and down and screaming. Then, I told them that they would get to meet my family and they got even more excited! It's all that they could talk about tonight! I'm so happy that they want to go camping and meet my family!

I still have so much to do before the wedding...and packing for the camping trip.

Yesterday, I spent a good chunk of the day at my mother-in-law's house going through a huge plastic bin of pictures. I picked out some to put in the slideshow for the wedding reception. Mom sent me a picture that we are going to use. I'm excited to get some more stuff done!

In Loving Memory

In memory of a life so beautifully lived, a heart so deeply loved 

There is a memory candle that gets lit every week at my support group, and this is what the candle holder says. I think that it is fitting, considering the last week.

Yesterday morning, I found out that my great-uncle Field had passed away of a heart attack on Monday night. Please, be with my family as we celebrate the life he lived. We are honored to be related to this wonderful man, who loved his family and God more than anything else. It is sad for us, but we all know without a doubt that he is celebrating Holy Week and Easter in Heaven with the Lord of Lords, and he is so happy about it!

Brian and I are working on our family trees, to combine them for the wedding. I needed some information about my great grandmother, so I dug back into my Senior Scrapbook from high school and found what I was looking for. In her funeral paper thing (I really have no idea what it's called, but it is the paper that they give you that tells you a little bit about the deceased person's life, like her birthday), there was a poem that was printed on it. I wanted to take a moment and share it with you:

I AM FREE

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free. 

I am following the path God laid for me. 

I took His hand when I heard Him call, 

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day, to laugh, 

to love, to work or play.

Tasks undone must stay that way.

I found that peace at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void, then fill it

with remembered joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, 

ah, these things I too, will miss. 

Be not burdened with time of sorrow,

I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I savored much,

good friends, good times, a loved one touched.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your hearts and share with me,

God wanted me now, He set me free.

With all the two deaths of family members that we have survived these last few days, I have to remember that we are not crying for them. They are no longer in pain, they aren't hurting or sick anymore. We are crying for us. AND IT'S OKAY. Crying is one of the most healing things that you can do, so if it helps you to cry, then please cry!! 

Getting back to normal

I can not wait until our lives get back to "normal". This funeral stuff is so stressful. Yesterday, I spent some time going through the kids' closets trying to find something acceptable for them to wear to the funeral tomorrow. I finally find them. We got up this morning and bought E's shoes, too. Then, I spent about an hour today ironing Aaron's clothes, Brian's clothes, and another shirt. Finally, I had to hand-sew a bead back on to my dress. I'm so tired.

We gave the kids the option of either going to school tomorrow or going to the funeral. They decided to go to the funeral, but not because they don't like school. In fact, when we pulled them out on Friday morning, E was constantly worried about the tests she was missing that day. It made me realize that to adults, second grade tests are really inconsequential in our daily lives; but to a second grader, it was a major stressor. I need to remember this when they have things at school that are important to them. Even though it really isn't that big of deal for them in the grand scheme of things, it is important to them because it is happening now. I know that Brian was really glad they chose to go to the funeral with us. He was hoping that they would want to go, so that they could say goodbye to Grandad and so that they could possibly meet other family members that they had not known previously. E seriously considered going to school, and had told us that she would rather go to school. But then, she let A talk her into going to the funeral to meet more family. A is just like his daddy, always wanting to meet his family and have family time. I love that (and more) about both of them!

Once things settle back down for us, I think I will do a post about some book reviews. I've done a lot of reading lately, and maybe I can inspire someone to pick up a good book...

The Circle of Life

On Sunday, March 25, 2012, Brian's sister and her husband welcomed their 3rd child into the world! Mike is a beautiful, healthy baby boy. He was 7 pounds, 3 ounces and 19.5 inches long. We are so excited to have another super little one around!! He's so adorable!!

On Friday, March 30, 2012, Brian's Gradad (his grandpa) passed away at 9:39 am of cancer. He lived a long, full life, spent serving his country in World War II and creating a wonderful family with his wife.

The kids left for school on the bus at about 7:30 that  morning, and Brian and I were trying to become fully awake when we get a phone call from Nana saying that Grandad is in the hospital and he isn't expected to make it the rest of the day. We stay at home long enough to wake up a little more, shower, run by the library, and get the kids from school before we drive down to Moore to say goodbye to Grandad. We explain to the kids on the way what is going on, and because they are so young, they don't really understand all of it. We are about halfway to Moore when we get another phone call on my cell saying that Grandad had passed away. Because Brian was driving, I answer the phone, and was told to tell him the news. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to say to him. We had expected this for a while, but it still hurts.
Throughout the course of the day, we had family who had to go back to work that afternoon, and the kids were really bored, so we sent them back home with Aunt K. Most of the extended family leaves, but say that they will be back later that night. We have to meet at the funeral home to finalize arrangements at 2:30, and while we are killing time waiting on that to happen, conversation turns to some OK government official, mayor, I think. It gets brought up that his son shot himself and it becomes a focal point of the conversation. Brian looks over at me and asks me, "Are you okay, sweetie?" By him asking that, immediately, I'm not okay. I would have been a little upset but able to hide it if he hadn't asked me. So, I start crying and I'm hurting. It then has to be explained to everyone else in the room why I'm so upset at a general conversation about a man's suicide. Everybody apologized a lot, and I told them that I was okay, and that its just one of those things that is going to happen from time to time. I would rather this conversation happen with family than with strangers who don't care if they upset me. The rest of the day, however, I don't stop thinking about Chris. I can't help it. Grandad's funeral on Monday will be the first funeral that I've been to since Chris' in 2011.
At 2:30, when we go to the funeral home, we walk in the door of the lobby and immediately, I'm back in that place, mentally, where I was when I helped with Chris' arrangements. Almost everybody goes back into the back office when it's time, and they invite me to come with them. I decide to stay in the lobby. I don't want to go back in there. Part of it was out of respect. They all knew Grandad way more than I ever did, but part of it was selfish reasons. I didn't want to be put in the same position of helping make different decisions about something I was not ready to make.

Yesterday was such a long day. This whole week has been really long. Brian has gone to OKC every day this week, and he is exhausted. Then he losses his grandfather. Thankfully, he got yesterday off of work to spend time with the family.

I'm sad. We will need one less boutonniere at our wedding, and one more little silver candle of remembrance. We will cherish the memories that we had of our lost loved ones. We will always remember the love that was shared between us. We will continue to welcome new life into our family.

dresses, flowers, and kids! OH MY!

So much has happened recently!

We found my wedding dress!!!! After trying on 3 other dresses, I slipped this one on and instantly loved it! I knew before I walked out to show my "entourage" that this was definitely in the top 2. When I went to try on dresses, I didn't go in expecting to find my dress. I had found 3 dresses online at David's Bridal and had printed off their pictures; I texted several women who are important to me and told them if they wanted to come to the appointment, they were more than welcome to. That day, I took my mom, my future mother-in-law, my future sister-in-law, my Aunt Jenny, and her daughter Haley dress shopping with me. I'm so glad that they were all able to make it and share in this special once in a lifetime experience! I went in expecting to try on one style. When the bridal consultant saw what I was looking for, she let me try on what I came to try on, and then she said, "If it is okay with you, I am going to pull another dress or two that you might like better, even if they are out of your comfort zone." Since I had the pressure of my mother just beyond the fitting room door, I said okay. She brought this one back in, along with a lace gown. I LOVED this one. It fit so beautifully. It is the only dress that I've ever worn that I want to put back on and wear more than once. I NEVER wear dresses, and I certainly never get the urge to put one on just because. For some reason though, with this one, I want to wear it just because I feel so beautiful in it!

My dress! 

 The same day we went and found my wedding dress, my mom and I had spent that morning in Hobby Lobby picking out what flowers I wanted for the ceremony. I had some idea that it was going to be difficult to decide this part, but I didn't think it was going to be SO hard. At one point, I cried, but in the end, we put together something that I am very happy with!

Center aisle arrangement

 Mom is gracious enough to make yellow calla lily boutonnieres for all the men. We picked out 2 large purple roses for both my MoH and my bridesmaid to carry. We got the basket for my flower girl, we still have to get the petals for her. The only thing we have left is to get my bouquet, women's corsages (which I have entrusted to my mom to make), and the reception decorations.

For those family members who can't attend our wedding because they are no longer with us, but have become our angels, we are setting up a memorial table and a memorial candle in their honor. Mom thought that it was going to be depressing, but Brian and I want it, so we will have it! 

In other, non-wedding related news, I have started kind of doing yoga. I actually just got my yoga mat in yesterday, and I'm really not very good at it yet. I love doing it though! I feel really good afterwards!

Brian's Grandad is getting worse. :( We found out recently that he has cancer. We didn't realize until yesterday that more than 75% of his lungs are covered in cancer cells. Brian's dad (the kids call him Grandy, so that is how I will refer to him here) is in denial about how bad it really is. The whole family is worried that we will have a funeral to attend within the next month or so. Please pray for Grandad, and Naw (his wife), and of course the rest of us. We don't know what is going to happen to Naw after Grandad leaves, but we all trust that God will provide. 

The kids went to Arkansas for Spring Break (I think I mentioned this earlier, sorry for the repetition), and they seemed to have a good time. I was a little worried that when they came back, they were going to compare me to Kim and then wouldn't like me. Or didn't want me and Brian to get married. Thankfully, nothing like that happened! On Sunday while Brian was at work, I let them watch The Wizard of Oz from 1939 with Judy Garland. Then, they grabbed showers and we played their favorite card games until bedtime. Aaron's favorite is Uno, and he really likes the one that we got for Christmas from my mom, it's the Mod version. Emily's favorite is Bandits, also a Christmas gift. :) We also really enjoy playing Left, Right, Center. I'm glad that they are back home now, though. The house was too quiet with Brian working nights.

I'm so blessed

When Brian and I started dating, I knew that our relationship had the possibility to turn into a lifetime. In youth group in middle school and high school, we covered a lesson a couple of times, and my youth pastor reiterated to not date someone unless you can see yourself marrying them. Dating is about finding out what qualities in another person that you like and desire for your future spouse, so his advice made some sense. It wasn't until I was actually starting to date how much more sense it made to me.

Brian had 2 kids when he and I started dating. I knew going into the relationship, that if this turned out to be a secure, long-term love affair, I would be "mom" to his kids. Based on what he had told me about his ex-wife (the mother of his kids), I was going to be more of a mother to them without even trying too hard.

When I met the kids, I loved them instantly. It wasn't long after I moved in that they started calling me "mom", and the second day that I was here (still just visiting), E asked me to never leave. She asked me to always live with them. I almost cried!

The first time Brian's ex called the house, she didn't even ask to talk to the kids. What kind of a mom calls her ex-husband's phone and doesn't ask to speak with her children?! I was appalled. This mother thing was already going well for me. There have been at least 4 calls where she has called and not spoken to the kids. Last fall, when we were going through all of the earthquakes here in OK, she didn't call to check on the kids, she didn't care if they were okay (to be fair, I'm quite certain that she cared, but she didn't show that she did). E would get really bad stomach aches at night, and Brian and I had decided that she was scared of the earthquakes. But what about when she got stomach aches in the few days leading up to the Christmas trip to their mom's?

She called again, to arrange the meeting place and time for tomorrow. We are taking the kids to meet their mom in Tulsa. She didn't ask to talk to them, and they are so excited to see her. If she only knew how awesome her kids are, she would want to know everything that they do. She doesn't ask about their grades, and she hasn't bothered to order very many school pictures. The only reason she ordered some this year was because we called and asked if she wanted to.

I am so lucky that I have these two little blessings in my life. They are very intelligent, very polite kids! I have no idea why "she" doesn't want to know about them.

Based on my experience with divorced parents and their interactions with each other, I thought that it was going to be a living nightmare dealing with Brian's ex. I was completely surprised by how little she interacts with the kids. She'll call about once every month and a half, and sees them about 3 times a year. She has always been civil with me when we have to talk on the phone, much like tonight. It's easier dealing with her than I ever thought possible, but part of it is because she doesn't engage the kids very often. I feel like if she did, she and I would have similar problems that my mom and step-mom had...

Recently, both A and E have been saying, "You're the best mommy!" to me. I tell A that he is the best son in the world, and I tell E that she is the best daughter in the world. When Brian and I have our own kids, I will have to change that to "A, you are the best oldest son in the world!" and "E, you are the best oldest daughter in the world!", much like my mom did with me and my younger sister. Being called the "best" mommy, when I'm not even their birth mom is so amazing!!! I love that feeling.

Brian was right, (in my opinion) I am a better mom than she is, and I don't have to try all that hard!

The best is yet to come!

Since I moved from Amarillo to Chandler, I have been super busy! After the last post, things really started picking up with my work and with the kids school. I worked part time at Bath & Body Works for the holiday season, and I LOVED it! I left on great terms this New Year, so I'm hoping that they will hire me back this holiday season! 

 

On December 18th, Brian took me to the Myriad Gardens in OKC and we had a day out! It was so much fun, made even sweeter by the wedding proposal at the end of it! I loved getting to call my Dad and telling him that I'm getting married to the perfect man for me! 

We are looking at buying a house this summer and moving in after the wedding, which will be on June 23!!! I'm still working on the wedding invitations to get them sent out, but hopefully after Brian gets home from work tonight, he will help me get another 30 done...

I have a couple of new blogs that I'm following (not that anybody is actually reading this, but if you do, you might be interested in them!) My Dad has a brand new blog about breakfast and life lessons. It is freaking hilarious so far. Hopefully, when I send him some of my breakfast stories, he will put them up as well! A friend of mine from high school has a blog up, that I just found out about today. She is traveling abroad from Texas and you can read about her adventures here. On the addictive website that is Pinterest, I found a number of great blogs, such as Chef In Training.

I have continued taking life one day at a time, and living for now. I am still attending the support group in OKC for survivor's of suicide (you might need to scroll down on the page for the info) on Monday nights when I can and they are such a huge blessing to have!

I think that's all for now, I'm going to try to get better at this, I promise! 

Change is a good thing, right?

I have finally moved. I am out of my Dad's house and semi on my own. I am still looking for a job, but I have sent out many many applications and I'm hoping that a few of them call me back soon. I'm waiting on mail to come in so that I can get a library card and start using that resource.

Brian and I are doing fantastically well. We still haven't seen each other and I'm pretty upset that our plans fell through for Spring Break, but I know that his ex will do things like this from time to time and really try to push my buttons, especially after she realizes that Brian has other plans and is over her. That's just the kind of person she is. I'm so excited to meet his family and I know that every day, he loves me more. I love him more and more. I am so excited for our future. We have really gotten closer here lately. He has been very patient with me, especially when I am dealing with my bad days; similar to today...

The last few days, I have been mentally and emotionally exhausted. I go from Daddy's house where talking about Chris was completely unheard of to Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt L and Aunt R who truly knew Chris. They (now "we") talk about him all the time. All of the emotions that I'm feeling are happening for the very first time. I have been reading a book, titled After Suicide from Mardel, and I have been kind of frustrated with it. They keep saying things like "almost everybody feels...you may feel...you may think". I don't fit into most of those categories. Actually, I only fit into one. I got really mad at him when I found out about it. I am going to join the rest of the family at group therapy once that gets started. I'm curious to see how everybody else is feeling and how they are dealing with their emotions. Time heals most of this, so I guess I'll have to be patient.

I'm glad that I have someone who is understanding and who is willing to help me through all of this.

"Your toes are red!!!"

It has been a freaking long day!!! We got up and was out of the house by 10:30 this morning, we stopped by Aunt B's house to drop off the birthday invitations for Michael's birthday party on Sunday. While we were there, B's little one noticed that my toe nails had been painted a really sparkly red color. He thought it was worth pointing out to me (which I already knew, since I painted them) and got really excited. 

We ran some more errands, which included going over to my mom's house and dropping off her and Theresa (my sister) their Valentine's Day cards, almost a month late. But better late than never, right?! 

We came back and did some major landscaping work on the front yard. We have plans to finish the rest, but moving 25 squares of sod and four 40 pound bags of topsoil around really takes a lot out of two people, so we will finish it later. We also dug about 6 inches all the way around parts of the sidewalk and driveway in order to lay edging down to keep the runoff of dirt and rain to a minimum. That was even harder work, considering all of the roots and rocks that we kept encountering. 

I'm exhausted. I love my Brian. I love my family. I love my life. 

I'm in a good place right now, despite the grief and stress around me. 

"Is that something to save me from the tower with?!"

The stereotypical little girl's dream is to be swept off of her feet by prince charming who came to save her from the super tall tower and to ride of on the back of a white horse into a perfect sunset. My cousin T is no exception, and she is only 4 years old. Yesterday, I took most of the kids out into the backyard to play and she was playing the princess, which meant that Clay was the obligatory prince coming to save her from the play fort turned tower.

This morning, I woke up from a dream in which I got engaged -- sort of. Basically though, Brian was in the dream and had come to town to visit me (I'm not sure where I was at, but it definitely wasn't Dad's house), but he had brought a female "friend" with him. He said that she was just here to hang out with the kids (why I was watching his kids in a different town, I'll never know). Brian, this friend of his, and I all went on a walk together and on the way back home, his lady friend started walking several feet in front of us. About that same time, Brian pulls me off to the side of the road and gets down on one knee. Realizing what he is fixing to do, my knees buckle and I join him on the ground with tears streaming down my face. He opened the ring box and there were two costume jewelry rings inside. He told me that I could have my pick of whichever ring that I wanted. After he said that, he pulls the pink ring out of the box and tells me that if I don't accept his marriage proposal, he is going to ask his lady friend to marry him. I tell him yes (not because I don't want them to get married, but because I actually wanted to marry him). I lean in to kiss him and he doesn't do anything at all. He doesn't try to kiss me back; instead, he has a really disappointed, even hurt, look on his face. When I ask him what was wrong, he tells me that I did something wrong. Apparently, when my knees buckled and I started crying, he took it the wrong way. As I gave the ring back to him, I told him that a proposal wasn't supposed to be like this (having another woman waiting around the corner as a potential fiancée) and that he should know that my feelings for him were real. He didn't hold my hand or talk to me for the rest of the dream.

It was super trippy. I didn't like it. After him making me cry on the phone on Friday night, not talking to him Saturday night, and waking up from that crazy dream this morning, I'm ready to talk to him. I've been apprehensive about it all day, but I think that it should go okay.

We sent all of the out of town family on their way this evening after family pictures at the park. After we get those, I'll put a couple of them up here. My Aunt J took the pictures this time, and she is a more experienced photographer than I am.

I'm tired and ready for this week to be over already, and it's only Sunday night.

There's gonna be cake!!!

The party tonight for mi padres is going to be so much fun!!! I'm super excited about it. My Aunt J and Uncle E (and maybe their kids) are driving into town for the first time since they moved to OK last summer to help us celebrate. Grandma B and Grandpa B are coming into town too, as soon as Grandma gets out of surgery today. There are other friends of Daddy's coming into town too.

We have the cake almost completely ready!! I'm so exited about it. I'll put pictures up later, when it is completely done!! And I will almost definitely have pictures from the party tonight!! :)

I'm so excited!!! :D (obviously I am, I keep using smilies...)

I need to get some shoes on and get the baby ready to go!!

Peace out, girl scout!!!!

tough day

Woke up at 6:30 and made breakfast for everyone. Yay for easy scrambled eggs and a pot of coffee (for me only). Then, off to Aunt B's house for babysitting her two little ones. 

I didn't really think that it would be as hard as it was. The kids are still trying to grieve the loss of their daddy (my Uncle C). One of the hardest things that I've ever done is sit and play with two kids who didn't want me to be there. They wanted their daddy to be playing with them. The youngest (3 year old) is having extreme separation anxiety. When he wanted his mommy this afternoon, there was nothing I could do to stop him from crying. I know that he was thinking that mommy wouldn't come home from work, like daddy didn't come home that awful day. Both of the kiddos were extremely happy to see mommy walk back in the door. 

I was happy to see Aunt B too.